Preparing for the beginning...

Today is the first seminar of my program. We had some work to do to prepare for the session so it feels like it's already started. My partner for the first assignment, Joe, is great. I'm really excited to meet everyone else.

As I was telling my program sponsor, I've moved beyond the nervousness into the excitement/anticipation space. I, generally, as a human, love meeting new people and meeting Joe really affirmed that this group of people are likely to be some of the best.

I'm also leading the HPE journal club right after our seminar (nothing like jumping into the deep end!) The topic I chose was Imposter Syndrome/Phenomenon. This might be a little on the nose for me but it was also helpful to work through all the ways I've experienced this and all the ways I've navigated those feelings without falling into too many traps. It's also interesting to think about in the framing of professional identity formation and how, in some ways, I wonder if the feelings of imposterism are inherent or necessary for professional identity development. Certainly, in the ways I've experienced my own growth as an educator and identifying as such, it has been helpful for me to confront those feelings of belonging or not belonging.

(I'm noting here that I started typing this entry before the seminar on 1/22/2026 and now it's 5 days later and it has been sitting in a tab, unpublished - the weekend was brutal)

Current political climate context:

ICE agents in Minneapolis killed another legal observer, a 37 year old ICU nurse who was trying to help a woman that the ICE agents had pushed to the ground. This is the 2nd very visible murder of legal observers by ICE agents in a 2 week period. And we know that there are many more people who have died by their hands that may not have been captured on camera. As someone who is not rooted in toxic positivity but does believe that justice will prevail with the will of the people, it's becoming harder and harder to lean into that belief when our systems are failing so epically. I'm an external processor but I don't even know where to begin with this, in particular because the dystopian environment we're living in is straight out of 1984 and we're being told that what we've seen isn't real.

We didn't have class on Monday because there was a large snow storm that came through over the weekend and dumped 10" of snow in the city. Honestly, I'm grateful for it because I think if I had had to bite my tongue or be measured in a response, it might have killed a part of my soul because I certainly don't feel measured right now. And I'm also supposed to just raise kids, complete IRB trainings, send emails, cook dinner incessantly, and act generally like the world isn't on fire.

All of this to say that a) today I've been using the program as a bit of a distractor - concrete administrative things I can complete to feel accomplished while also still spinning my wheels and my brain a bit. I'm hoping things ease up and I can enjoy the program for program's sake.

Also, it's worth noting that the first seminar, while slightly overwhelming given the amount of content we covered, was really refreshing; it was great to meet the cohort and to dive into things so quickly. Despite the efforts of the world, I really am looking forward to this experience.